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A Little Priest
A Little Priest (also known as 'The Pie song' in the sheet music) is a song sung by both Mrs. Lovett and Todd telling about what they are going to do to the bodies of Todd's customers. Lyrics 2007 Version: MRS. LOVETT: Seems a downright shame... TODD: Shame? LOVETT: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice, plump frame Wot's 'is name has... Had... Has! Nor it can't be traced... Bus'ness needs a lift, Debts to be erased... Think of it as thrift, As a gift, If you get my drift! No? Seems an awful waste... I mean, with the price of meat What it is, When you get it, If you get it... TODD: HAH! LOVETT: Good, you got it! Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop! Bus'ness never better using only pussycats and toast! And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most! And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste! TODD: Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion LOVETT: Well, it does seem a waste... TODD: Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always! LOVETT: It's an idea... TODD: Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable! LOVETT: Think about it! Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave, Won't they? Think of All them Pies! TODD: How choice! How Rare! TODD: For what's the sound of the world out there? LOVETT: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air! LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, all around! TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear! BOTH: And Then who are we to deny it in here? TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for! LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven! TODD: What is that? LOVETT: It's priest. Have a little priest. TODD: Is it really good? LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least! Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh. TODD: Awful lot of fat. LOVETT: Only where it sat. TODD: Haven't you got poet, or something like that? LOVETT: No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! TODD: (spoken) Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then again, not as bland as curate, either! LOVETT: And good for business, too -- always leaves you wantin' more! Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays! Lawyer's rather nice. TODD: If it's for a price. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow it twice! TODD: Anything that's lean. LOVETT: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it's clean. Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been! TODD: Is that squire, On the fire? LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer, You'll notice it's grocer! TODD: Looks thicker, More like vicar! LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer -- It's green! TODD: The history of the world, my love -- LOVETT: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors! TODD: Is those below serving those up above! LOVETT: Ev'rybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors! TODD: How gratifying for once to know BOTH: That those above will serve those down below! LOVETT: (spoken) Now let's see, here... We've got tinker. TODD: Something... pinker. LOVETT: Tailor? TODD: Paler. LOVETT: Butler? TODD: Subtler. LOVETT: Potter? TODD: Hotter. LOVETT: Locksmith? Lovely bit of clerk. TODD: Maybe for a lark. LOVETT: Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark! Try the financier, Peak of his career! TODD: That looks pretty rank. LOVETT: Well, he drank, It's a bank Cashier. Never really sold. Maybe it was old. TODD: Have you any Beadle? LOVETT: Next week, so I'm told! Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and Notice 'ow well it's been greased... Stick to priest! (spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit stringy, but then of course it's... fiddle player! TODD: No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player! LOVETT: 'Ow can you tell? TODD: It's piping hot! LOVETT: Then blow on it first! TODD: The history of the world, my sweet -- LOVETT: Oh, Mr. Todd, Ooh, Mr. Todd, What does it tell? TODD: Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat! LOVETT: And, Mr. Todd, Too, Mr. Todd, Who gets to sell! TODD: But fortunately, it's also clear BOTH: That But ev'rybody goes down well with beer! LOVETT: (spoken) Since marine doesn't appeal to you, 'ow about... rear admiral? TODD: Too salty. I prefer general. LOVETT: With, or without his privates? "With" is extra. TODD: What is that? LOVETT: It's fop. Finest in the shop. And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun -- Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily, Have one! TODD: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run! LOVETT: Try the friar, Fried, it's drier! TODD: No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy! LOVETT: Then actor, That's compacter! TODD: Yes, and always arrives overdone! I'll come again when you have JUDGE on the menu! LOVETT: (spoken) Wait! True, we don't have judge yet, but we've got something you might fancy even better. TODD: What's that? LOVETT: Executioner! TODD: Have charity towards the world, my pet! LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love! TODD: We'll take the customers that we can get! LOVETT: High-born and low, my love! TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small! No, we'll serve anyone, Meaning anyone, BOTH: And to anyone At all! 1979-1982 Version: Seems a downright shame Shame? Seems an awful waste Such a nice, plump frame Wot's his name has Had Has Nor it can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift as a gift If you get my drift, no? Seems an awful waste I mean, with the price of meat What it is? When you get it If you get it, hah Good, you got it Take for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better using only pussycats and toast Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion Well, it does seem a waste Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always, it's an idea Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know How delectable, also undetectable Think about it Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave Won't they? Think of all them pies How choice How rare For what's the sound of the world out there? What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound? Those crunching noises pervading the air Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd Yes, all around It's man devouring man, my dear And then who are we to deny it in here? These are desperate times Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for Here we are, now, hot out of the oven What is that? It's priest, have a little priest Is it really good? Sir, it's too good, at least Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh Awful lot of fat only where it sat Haven't you got poet, or something like that? No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest Heavenly Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps But then again Not as bland as curate, either And good for business too Always leaves you wantin' more Trouble is We only get it on Sundays Lawyer's rather nice If it's for a price Order something else, though to follow Since no one should swallow it twice Anything that's lean Well then, if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean Though of course it tastes of wherever it's been Is that squire on the fire? Mercy, no sir, look closer You'll notice it's grocer Looks thicker, more like vicar No, it has to be grocer, it's green The history of the world, my love Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors Is those below serving those up above Everybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors How gratifying for once to know That those above will serve those down below Now let's see, here we've got tinker Something pinker Tailor? Paler, Butler? Subtler Potter? Hotter, Locksmith? Lovely bit of clerk Maybe for a lark Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark Try the financier, peak of his career That looks pretty rank Well, he drank, it's a bank Cashier, never really sold Maybe it was old Have you any Beadle? Next week, so I'm told Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and Notice 'ow, well, it's been greased Stick to priest Now then, this might be a little bit stringy But then of course it's fiddle player No, this isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player 'Ow can you tell? It's piping hot then blow on it first The history of the world, my sweet Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd What does it tell? Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd Who gets to sell But fortunately, it's also clear That, but everybody goes down well with beer Since marine doesn't appeal to you 'Ow about rear admiral? Too salty, I prefer general With or without his privates? 'With' is extra What is that? It's fop Finest in the shop And we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top And I've just begun Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily Have one, put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run Try the friar Fried, it's drier No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy Then actor, that's compacter Yes, and always arrives overdone I'll come again When you have judge on the menu Wait, true, we don't have judge yet But we've got something you might fancy even better What's that? Executioner Have charity towards the world, my pet Yes, yes, I know, my love We'll take the customers that we can get High-born and low, my love We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone Meaning anyone And to anyone at all Category:Songs